Contact With A Evil Plant Life Form
This year I wanted to make sure my yard looked like I tried to take care of it. That was a huge, massive foolish mistake for me to make. By trying to make things better…. I have made my life miserable.
You see, I recently been in contact with a evil plant life form. It causes havoc to many unsuspecting people. (Like Me) Even though I have came across this evil plant I still do not know what it looks like. (lol)
However, a pharmacist told me that the nightmare that I came in contact with was either Poison Oak and/or Poison Ivy. (He had the nerve to laugh at me!)
(LIFE SUCKS RIGHT NOW)
———————————————
Following information has been lifted shamelessly from http://www.knoledge.org/oak/
Poison Oak can be a bush, vine, root, tree, whatever. My theory is that it is sentient and has a collective, malevolent, intelligence. I also believe it is capable of reaching out and grabbing one’s ankles when hiking on a trail.
ETIQUETTE
Because Poison Oak is one of the worst afflictions mankind must suffer, there must be rules of etiquette for dealing with it.
IF YOU HAVE NEVER HAD POISON OAK:
You may not joke about it.
You cannot say, “Don’t you know what it looks like?”
You may not offer your advice on how to treat it.
You must show nothing but sympathy, and if it is feigned it must seem genuine.
Absolutely no smirking!
You are not allowed to intimate that the person who has Poison Oak deserved it, or is afflicted due to incompetence on their part.
IF YOU ARE IMMUNE:
All the above rules apply to you.
You may never boast of your immunity, and especially never touch poison oak to demonstrate your immunity. I heard of a man who ate a poison oak leaf to show off. This is a justifiable motive for homicide.
If you cannot follow the above guidelines, please kill yourself now.
IF YOU HAVE HAD POISON OAK:
You must show sympathy, and tell anecdotes about how bad you had it.
You may joke and laugh, as long as you make it known that you feel very deep sorrow at the affliction.
Feel free to imply that all immune people should be exterminated off the face of the earth.
———————————————
If anyone has any ideas besides Extra Strength Benadryl….
PLEASE LET ME KNOW!
– SOS –
Please save me from the effects of the evil plant.
– MD
Discussion ¬